Dinosaur Nuggets
by Missglitterystars
Summary: Voldemort gets hungry while thinking of an evil plan
1. Nuggets

Author's note: I don't own anything!

Summary: Voldemort demands that the death eaters buy him some chicken nuggets

Voldemort was bored sitting in his chair daydreaming of one of his evil plans until suddenly he felt hungry. "I should eat," he thought to himself.

He twirled his invisible mustache with his finger. "Wait, what am I doing? I am the dark lord! I can make my own mustache damn it!" he bellowed.

So he made his own mustache and began to twirl it with his fingers. "This will totally attract the ladies," he chuckled to himself, "Wait I'm hungry…I need to get food, but I'm thinking of an evil plan. I will send one of my minions! DRACO MALFOY COME IN HERE AT ONCE"

The door slowly opened as a timid Draco Malfoy entered. "You called my lord?" he squeaked.

Draco suddenly saw Voldemort's mustache. "OMG WHAT IS THAT FURRY THINGY ON YOUR FACE?" Draco screamed.

"SILENCE YOU FOOL!" yelled Voldemort, "I AM THE DARK LORD AND NEVER QUESTION ME!"

"Apologies my lord for my son," Lucius Malfoy whispered as he entered the room with his shiny white/blonde hair blinding everyone.

"GAH YOUR HAIR! IT BLINDS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the Dark lord yelled, "Tone it down seriously!"

"For your information my lord, I have a hair appointment tomorrow. Bellatrix is taking me to the salon," Lucius announced.

"Good to hear. Now onto business!" Voldemort smiled, "I am planning our next evil plan…but in order for my evil mind to work I need some food. It is your mission to find me some delicious chicken nuggets."

"Chicken…nuggets?" Lucius questioned, "What are those?"

Draco snorted and rolled his eyes at his father. "Dad, it's a fried piece of breaded chicken," Draco replied.

"OH HIGH FIVE MY MAN!" cheered Voldemort, "Draco's got it goin on!"

Draco smiled as he had finally pleased his lord. "We had them for lunch once at Hogwarts. Snape demanded them apparently," Draco continued.

"So where do you propose we get these chicken nuggets?" Lucius asked.

"Go to the store you fool!" Voldemort snapped.

So Draco and Lucius teleported to a local wizard store. "WELCOME TO WIZZY FUN FOOD!" a cheery witch greeted them, "I hope you find what you are looking for."

"Tell me, which isle do you have chicken nuggets? The dark lord requests them," Lucius asked.

"Isle 7," chirped the witch, "Shall I lead the way?"

Lucius nodded as Draco wondered off to the candy isle. When the witch showed Lucius where the nuggets were, he was presented with a variety of nuggets. "Oh my goodness!" Lucius exclaimed, "SO many to choose from!"

"Did the dark lord say what kind of nuggets he wanted? This week we are having a special on dinosaur nuggets," the witch declared.

"Oooooo DINOSAUR NUGGETS!" Voldemort giggled.

"OMG how did you get here?" Lucius asked.

"Magic," Voldemort smiled.

"OMG! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!?????????" the witch asked.

"Sure girlfriend," Voldemort responded.

The witch handed him a piece of paper and she said, "My name is Shelby."

"Nice to meet you Shelby, I'm the Lord of DARKNESS" Voldemort declared as a scary opera song played out of nowhere.

He finished the autograph and turned to Lucius. "Buy me the dinosaur nuggets!" Voldemort whispered.

Lucius sighed as he picked out the dinosaur nuggets. "Hey Shelby, wanna come over and have dino nuggets with me?" Voldemort asked Shelby.

"Sounds like fun, I will be there for sure," Shelby smiled.


	2. Back to the Castle

Author's note: I don't own anything except Shelby is an oc!

Voldemort, Lucius, and Shelby were waiting for Draco up towards the front of the story. "THE DARK LORD WANTS HIS NUGGETS DRACO!" bellowed Voldemort, "Hurry up!"

Draco suddenly appeared with a package of chicken patties. "OMG WHAT ARE THOSE?" Voldemort asked.

"A larger version of a nugget," Draco answered as Voldemort stared.

"My dino nuggets are better! They come in fun sizes and shapes!" Voldemort declared.

"You win," Draco gave in.

"BOOYEAH!" Voldemort screamed.

Everyone in the store stopped and stared at Voldemort as they began to whisper "The DARK LORD likes dinosaur nuggets!"

"THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE! I LOVE MY DINOSAUR NUGGETS!" Voldemort screamed, "BACK TO THE CASTLE FOR DINOSAUR NUGGETS! AND A MOVIE!"

Everyone teleported back to the castle and Voldemort turned over to face Shelby. "Welcome to my humble abode," he grinned.

Shelby looked around and gave Voldemort two thumbs up. "It's a little dark though," she whispered.

"Yes…it's supposed to be dark. Dark like my empty stomach…waiting for those delicious dinosaur nuggets," Voldemort continued, "Lucius…cook my nuggets!"

Lucius rolled his eyes as he tried to grab the bag of dinosaur nuggets away from Voldemort. "My lord, if you wish for the nuggets…you need to let them go so I can cook them," Lucius snapped.

"Be…gentle with them," Voldemort told Lucius.

Lucius rolled his eyes as the bag was handed over to him. "GOODBYE DELICIOUS NUGGETS!" Voldemort sobbed, "Until we meet again."

"It says here that if you microwave them, they will be ready in under a minute," Lucius called to Voldemort from the kitchen.

"What are you waiting for then? Microwave them," Shelby answered for Voldemort.

Voldemort turned to Draco and whispered, "I like this girl. She knows where it's at."

Draco giggled at Voldemort. Sometimes he acted like such a child. "So my dark lord, what movie shall we watch?" Draco asked.

"Ladies choice," Voldemort announced.

Shelby thought long and hard about what movie she wanted to watch. "Let's watch "GODZILLA"!" she cheered.

"OMG! You are a genius! A GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dino nuggets and a movie with a dinosaur in it, I love you Shelby!" Voldemort reacted.


	3. Snape's Greatest Fear

Author's note: I don't own anything except Shelby is an oc!

The hums of the microwave could be heard all through out the castle. "It smells delicious," drooled Voldemort.

"It sure does," Draco sighed as he daydreamed.

Voldemort raised an eyebrow as he glared at Draco. "Did I say you could have one of my nuggets…fool?" he questioned.

Draco squeaked and ran out of the room. "Good riddance," Shelby laughed.

Suddenly, Lucius emerged from the kitchen wearing a pink ruffled apron that said on it "Property of the Dark Lord". In Lucius's hands he carried a plate, and on the plate, on that glorious plate, lay the dinosaur nuggets. Out of nowhere an epic opera theme played as Lucius brought forth the nuggets. "Where's that music coming from?" asked Shelby.

"Oh sorry, my bad," Severus Snape blushed as he stopped his radio.

"Care to join us for some dinosaur nuggets?" Voldemort asked.

"Um, no thank you my lord, I'm scared of dinosaurs," Snape admitted.

Voldemort turned to Shelby and Lucius and smirked. "Scared of dinosaur nuggets?" Voldemort repeated.

"Yes…when I was a young boy James Potter turned my dinosaur nuggets into an extreme spicy flavor. I spent 3 weeks in the hospital," Snape shuddered at the memory.

Voldemort grabbed a nugget from the plate. It looked like a t-rex. "What are you doing?" a scared Snape asked.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

A high pitch scream was heard through out the castle. Voldemort was chasing after Snape with the dinosaur nugget making rawr sounds. "RAWWWWWWWR Snape! RAWRRRRR!" Voldemort yelled.

"Please stop my lord, show me some mercy, please," pleaded Snape.

Voldemort had Snape cornered. He brought the dinosaur nugget about an inch away from Snape's face. Snape was trying not to cry as Voldemort brought the tip of the nugget to Snape's nose. Snape flinched as Voldemort whispered, "Rawr!"

And then he bit off the head of the dinosaur nugget! He was creepily staring at Snape the whole time. "This…is…awkward…" Snape muttered.

Suddenly, Lucius and Shelby showed up with the plate of dinosaur nuggets. "You took off so fast, we couldn't keep up with you," Shelby stuttered.

"It's okay Shelby, hand me over another nugget!" giggled Voldemort as he walked away from Snape.

Snape without hesitation teleported out of the castle. "Right! ONTO THE NUGGETS!" Voldemort boomed.

Lucius, Shelby, and Voldemort sat down on the floor as Shelby magically conjured up a blanket for them to sit on. "Thank you Shelby," Lucius smiled.

Voldemort took the plate and divided up the nuggets making sure everyone got their fair share. As soon as the last dinosaur nugget was passed out, they began to eat their nuggets.


	4. The Last Dino Nugget

Author's note: I don't own anything but Shelby is an oc!

Voldemort stared at his last dinosaur nugget. It was cold.

"This dinosaur nugget…is cold," Voldemort whispered on the verge of tears.

"Aww! Don't cry my lord," Lucius comforted Voldemort.

Voldemort grabbed onto Lucius and hugged him like a child would a teddy bear. "Too tight," gasped Lucius.

Shelby looked at her watch and realized what time it was and she needed to head home. "I'm sorry Lord of Darkness, but I need to go home now. I lost track of the time," she apologized.

"Will I ever see you again?" Voldemort's eyes bugged out, "Will I ever be with you again…fellow nugget lover?"

"I promise," Shelby grinned, "Rawr!!!!!!!"

And she was gone. "…..Rawr," whispered a sad Voldemort as he bit into his last nugget.

"Well my lord. Is it time to reveal your evil plan?" Lucius questioned.

"Why yes it is," Voldemort smiled forgetting his sadness, "Assemble the death eaters!"

Within moments, several Death Eaters appeared in front of Voldemort. "My minions," Voldemort announced, "I am about to reveal a secret plan to you. My secret evil plan."

The Death Eaters were giddy with excitement. "Your mission…is to go to every store and buy every single package of dinosaur nuggets."

Everyone stared at Voldemort. "Ummm, and how is this evil?" one asked him.

"I will have every dinosaur nugget! And once we have them…we shall chuck them at Snape!" he laughed evilly, "MWHAHAHAHAHAHA."

Snape sighed heavily as he muttered, "Oh brother."


	5. Sold Out

Author's note: I don't own anything

"My lord," a voice called to Voldemort.

"Do you have my dinosaur nuggets?" Voldemort giggled running toward the death eater.

"No sir, we searched every store, and…they were sold out!" the death eater exclaimed.

"WHHHHHHHHHAT?" Voldemort screamed.

The death eater flinched as he repeated, "We went to every store, and they were sold out of the dinosaur nuggets."

Voldemort fell to the floor on his knees and cried to the heavens, "CURSE YOU NUGGET GOD!"

"We could make the nuggets magically," suggested Lucius as he walked over to the dark lord.

"MAGIC DINOSAUR NUGGETS AREN'T THE SAME AS THE REAL DEAL," snapped Voldemort.

Lucius patted Voldemort on the shoulder. "It's okay Lord Voldemort," Lucius told Voldemort, "We can go check the stores another time."

"But, the lord of darkness demands nuggets," cried Voldemort.

Suddenly, a death eater appeared in front of Voldemort. "Sir, I saw Harry Potter at the store, and he was buying nuggets."

Voldemort's eyes turned into slits, "What kind of nuggets?"

The death eater took a deep breath as he revealed, "Dinosaur nuggets."

"I KNEW IT! Come on peeps! Let's go fight for our nuggets."

"You mean your nuggets, sir, you didn't exactly share the dino-"

"Oh shut it! Let's go."

Voldemort, Lucius, and a few other death eaters went to go find Harry Potter and to get the dinosaur nuggets that they rightly deserved. "Victory shall be ours!" Voldemort laughed his trademark evil villan laugh, "To Hogwarts!"

Everyone got on their broom and were ready for takeoff, except for Voldemort. "I forgot my broom," he admitted, "I'll just magically whip up some sort of other travelling device."

Voldemort pulled out his wand waving it around like a cowboy would a rope and said a few magic words, and before everyone's eyes Voldemort's ride was created. "What is that?" one of the death eaters asked.

"It's a french fry," Voldemort proudly grinned.

"What is it with your obsession with fried foods?" Lucius asked, "Last year it was french fries, this year its dinosaur nuggets, what's next fried tomatoes? Quesadillas?"

"That sounds delicious!" Voldemort drooled, "But we must focus on the mission at hand. I don't want Potter to hurt those nuggets!"

"You didn't answer my question."

Voldemort had a misty eyed look in his face, "I never had my mama's home cooking. I never had comfort food before. That's why."

Lucius nodded as everyone began to take off. When they reached the Hogwarts castle, they couldn't get through due to some shield around the castle. "We must disguise ourselves," thought Voldemort, "But as what? Any ideas?"

"I have one," piped up Lucius.


	6. Hogwarts

Author's note: I don't own anything

Harry Potter sat in his dorm room clutching a bag of dinosaur nuggets. He had gone to the store after he had heard the rumors that Voldemort loved dinosaur nuggets. He thought that if he bought a huge amount of them, Voldemort would surely come after him for those delicious nuggets. Where was Voldemort? Harry thought.

Harry set down the bag and went over to the window. He was told by Ron's dad that apparently this one time, James, Harry's father, cursed some dinosaur nuggets that Snape had eaten. They became extremely spicy and Snape spent a few weeks in the hospital, and since then Snape had a fear of dinosaur nuggets.

Harry grinned as he thought about bringing dinosaur nuggets with him to potions. He would chuck them at Snape whenever Harry was getting mad. But wait…didn't Snape ask for chicken nuggets a few weeks ago? Harry thought to himself. Maybe he's trying to get over this fear because of the dark lord or something.

Suddenly, Harry heard a door squeak. He went to go check it out, but when he got there, nothing was there. "Hmmm," he thought.

Harry felt something crawling on his leg and when he looked down, he saw a huge ant. Harry screamed like a girl and fainted. "Mwhahahaha," the ant laughed, "Come on you guys! Let's get the nuggets!"

It was Voldemort. He tapped his feet together and transformed back into his evil self. Footsteps echoed through the hallway, due to the screaming from Harry. Voldemort ran into Harry's dorm and tried not to wake a sleeping Ron Weasley who kept muttering the name Hermione. Voldemort laughed at the sleeping child.

Ron stirred and grumbled, "Harry…you awake?"

Voldmort froze. He was trapped. He needed to disguise his voice. He used a high pitch girly voice and said, "Yes Ron, I'm fine."

"Why were you screaming?" Ron grumbled more.

"Umm, I saw a frog," Voldemort lied.

"Okay goodnight," Ron passed out and snored some more.

Voldemort bent to the ground and found the motherload. "Oh my precious nuggets," he whispered as he hugged each bag and kissed it.

Soon other death eaters came in as ants and then magically transformed back into humans. "Pass the nuggets down and then back to the castle!"

The death eaters tried to move as quick as possible, passing the nuggets down the line. Each death eater took four bags each. "Take care of my babies," whispered Voldemort, "Pass it on."

"That man is not right in the head," whispered a death eater.

"Silence you fool!' yelled Voldemort.

Ron woke up. "Oh crap."


	7. Facing Ron

Author's note: I own nothing

"OMG! IT'S THE DARK LORD!!" screamed Ron as he peed in his pants.

Voldemort just stared down at Ron. "Shush you!"

Ron jumped out of bed and raised his fists like he was going to punch Voldemort. "Put your fists down boy, I'm not here to harm you. All I came for were the dinosaur nuggets," Voldemort pleaded.

"Come on Voldemort! Be a man," Ron taunted him.

Voldemort gave Ron a look that said are you seriously considering this!!!!! When Ron saw that Voldemort was holding onto a bag of the dinosaur nuggets, he slowly began to lower his fists. "How do I know that I can trust you?" asked Ron.

"I'm the Lord of Darkness, you can't do a thing about, I'll do whatever I please," smirked Voldemort.

"What have you done with Harry?" Ron demanded.

"Look, I told you. I'm only here for the dinosaur nuggets. Harry is out in the hallway. You have my word that I won't hurt you today. I'm feeling weak and I have no energy. If one wizard wants to defeat the other wizard, they must both have their strength. I just happen to get my energy from these dino nuggets," Voldemort half lied.

"Oh okay," Ron believed him, "Sorry your Dark Lordness!"

"Don't make that mistake again!" he sneered.

Ron backed up into the corner as Voldemort disappeared. "That was weird! Who knew the dark lord loved his nuggets!"

Ron wandered into the hallway and saw Harry passed out on the floor. "Evil Harry," he stuck his tongue out, "I never knew you were a cheat like that."

Ron changed his pants from peeing in them and crawled back into his bed. He fluffed his pillow and put his head back down. "Goodnight," he whispered to himself.


	8. Nuggets, and Stars, and Sporks!

Author's note: I don't own anything!

Voldemort finally had a bunch of nuggets. He sat on his throne and cuddled each bag as they went into the refrigerator. "We shall be united my friends! Be strong my little ones!" he called to them.

Lucius came to Voldemort with some freshly microwaved nuggets. "My lord, look at the nuggets!"

Voldemort turned to look at the nuggets. They were standing upright and were moving! One of the nuggets looked at Voldemort and growled, "RAWWWR!"

"OMG!" Voldemort screamed.

Suddenly, the nugget began to grow and grow until Lucius could no longer hold on to the plate. "It's Godzilla!" shouted Voldemort.

"NUGGET STYLE!" added Lucius.

"Dad? What's going on?" Draco asked as he was eating a chicken patty.

Draco turned and saw the giant dinosaur nugget coming to life. "I want my mommy!" screamed Draco.

Voldemort and Lucius and Draco were screaming and running around the kitchen as the nugget was chasing after them. "RAAWWWWR" it growled.

Snape then walked in and saw the giant nugget. He was white as a ghost and he was screaming. "I want my-"

"WE KNOW! YOU WANT YOUR MOMMY!"

The nugget was now chasing Snape, Voldemort, Lucius, and Draco. "Who will save us?" sobbed Draco.

More death eaters came in and pretty soon all of the death eaters were running from the giant nugget. "Wait, we are running away from a dinosaur nugget? We are magical. We can destroy him!" Snape stopped to catch his breath.

"You…are…so…right," Voldemort gasped, "You've won a gold star!"

"OMG YES!!!!!!!!!!"

"DIE NUGGGGGGGGGET!" yelled Draco as he attacked with a bottle of ketch up.

Draco squirted ketch up on the nugget and it magically began to shrink. Then Voldemort whipped up a spork. He then went up to the small dinosaur nugget and poked it with his spork. It stopped moving. "BEHOLD! THE MIGHTY POWER OF THE MIGHTY SPORK!" Voldemort cackled, "VICTORY!!!!!!!"

Instead of lifting Draco in the air, like one would a hero, the death eaters were lifting the spork instead. "Stupid spork! Taking all the glory!" Draco sneered, "CURSE YOU SPORK!!!!!!!!!"

Author's note: For those of you who don't know what a spork is, it's basically a combination of a spoon and a fork! They are awesome! :D


	9. Nuggetator

Author's note: I don't own anything

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! "VOLDEMORT! GIVE ME BACK MY NUGGETS!" Harry Potter screamed from outside the dark lord's castle.

Voldemort grinned as he and his minions came to the balcony. "Come and get them Potter!" he taunted.

Ron came running up to Harry. "It's not fair Harry! Let him have your nuggets" pleaded Ron.

"Whose side are you on Ron?" snapped Harry, "He killed my parents!"

"You stole his nuggets! Voldemort needs his strength!" Ron snapped back.

Voldemort was grinning. "Come join the dark side Ron! We have dinosaur nuggets! Every new member gets a delicious nugget!"

"Count me in!" cheered Ron.

Ron was let into the castle. "Ron!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry fell to the ground.

"Mwhwhahahahaha!" laughed Voldemort, "Never underestimate the power of a nugget! It is mighty!"

Ron suddenly appeared on the balcony wearing black leather and sunglasses. His hair was gelled back and he was smoking! "Yeah…I'm bad ass!" he sassily told Harry.

"What about me?" asked Harry.

"It's always about you Harry!" snapped Ron, "GO GET A FREAKIN THERAPIST!"

"But Ron-"

"YOU HEARD IT POTTER! GET A THERAPIST!" shouted Voldemort.

"RAWWWWWR!"

"OH NO!" a death eater screamed, "THE DINOSAUR NUGGET IS BACK!!!"

The dinosaur nugget jumped over the balcony and started to chase after Harry Potter who was now screaming like a little girl. The death eaters turned to see Draco with his wand. "MY HERO!" screamed Voldemort.

Voldemort was running around the castle chasing after Draco. "GIVE ME A HUG!!!!!!" Voldemort demanded.

"NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"DRACO!!!!!!!!!!! COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Draco fell over and Voldemort caught up and hugged whatever he could of Draco. He squeaked. "Thank you Draco," he whispered, "From this day on! You shall be known as the NUGGETATOR!!!!!!!!"


	10. The Finale

Author's Note: I don't own anything except Shelby is an oc!

So after obtaining most of the world's nuggets, Voldemort decided to go into business. He opened his own chain of restaurants and their specialty was dinosaur nuggets. He was the manager and also the head chef. Lucius was one of the cashiers and had to get a hair cut.

Draco and Ron worked the drive through. "I love my job," Ron yelled constantly.

Snape, well, he was hired to be a costume character. He became a brown fuzzy dinosaur. It was the only way he could conquer his fear.

The other death eaters built a play place for the youngsters. It became a hit amongst the witches and wizards.

Harry Potter tried to get a job, but he was immediately denied. He was so angry that he tried to build his own restaurant. Unfortunately, his epically failed and he went to talk to a therapist about his issues. He's now working at the broom wash.

Shelby, the witch from the store where Voldemort first got the nuggets, returned to Voldemort. She became the second chef. Voldemort was so happy, he was in nugget heaven.

The End


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